LESSONS FROM NIKKI

 

Nate Terrell, LCSW

 

 

 

“Are you acquainted with the term cerebral palsy?,” the developmental specialist asked my wife, Anita, and me as we sat anxiously in his office. We had been aware that our 10-month-old daughter, Nikki, was not developing like other children her age. We had never been given such a specific diagnosis, however, and it hit us like a tidal wave. As Anita fled the room in tears, I frantically began asking questions which I knew probably had no answer. “Will she ever talk?” “Will she ever be able to live independently?”

 

 

Nikki’s diagnosis shattered our expectations for our first child’s life. We felt anxious and overwhelmed as we grappled with our fear that Nikki would never be able to live independently or communicate with us. We craved meaningful contact with our beautiful little girl with wildly curly black hair. Nikki was very much wrapped up in her own world, however, and took little or no interest in anything around her, including us.

 

 

At age one, Nikki could barely extend her arms from the front of her chest and made only fleeting eye contact. She tensed her limbs when we held her as if she had to defend herself from an outside intrusion. Music, though, seemed to draw her out. When I played Beethoven’s 7th Symphony for her, she’d smile and sometimes even laugh as I danced with her in my arms. As I swirled around the living room, caught up in the music and dazzled by Nikki’s momentarily expressive face, I fantasized that one day she would respond to me with a hint of recognition.